


Snake Oil And Mustard Seeds

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha & Emissary Relationship(s) (Teen Wolf), Alpha Derek Hale, Cameos, Conventions, Emissary Stiles Stilinski, Established Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Werewolf Conferences & Conventions, sbalphaemissary, sterekbingo2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-30 23:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19037899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Stiles has always wondered why some of his potions fail so spectacularlyTurns out, "Eye Of Newt" actually means "mustard seed", go figure! Boy is he going to have fun with this information





	Snake Oil And Mustard Seeds

**Author's Note:**

> I found this out yesterday https://asagi-s-garden.tumblr.com/post/185238814368/tastes-potion-like-a-chef-testing-the-soup-hm and this was the absolute FIRST thing I thought of, and it fits "Alpha And Emissary Gathering" quite well
> 
> Also, cookies to anyone who can figure out all of the cameos!

The Emissary/Alpha Teamwork Mingling Experience- otherwise known as E.A.T.M.E.- is supposed to enhance the relationships between Alphas and their Emissaries, as well as enhance the skills of both individually and introduce them both to others of their persuasion to be able to assist eachother- both now and in the future- in all matters, from the personal to the business to the in-between

Stiles wasn't as confident as perhaps he should have been in the abilities of this so called E.A.T.M.E., but he was going to give it a chance anyway, mostly for Derek's sake

At the current moment, he and his husband were, unfortunately, split up

After enduring the world's most boring morning of lectures, seminars, and meet-and-greets, Stiles ended up having an Emissary-specific panel to go to, and Derek had a "mingling hour" at the pool

Honest to god, Stiles had never imagined that hanging around with werewolves and other magic-folk all day could be so mind-numbingly _boring_

Wasn't that a crime somewhere?

If not, it should be, people who weren't human should have _no right_ to be this dull

Atleast he hoped that the panel he was attending would serve to help him with his potion brewing- that's what the pannel was for, after all

(Actually it was called "At-Home Holistic Medicine Making" and the other Emissaries _deeply_ frowned upon Stiles calling it "potion brewing" but they were just going to have to suck it up because he absolutely was _not_ going to stop, it wasn't like he had been to Formal Emissary School or anything, he'd learned this shit as he went along and he had a right to call it whatever he thought it deserved to be called)

(This _might_ be why so many of the other pairs had stared down at him and Derek with judgement and criticism all day but really, who could say?)

"Our next demonstration will be from Miss Rosenberg, of the Sunnydale Gathering,"

Eyes narrowing, nose wrinkling, Stiles' hand shot up, for possibly the sixth time during this process, and the pannel hostess sighed loudly in tired acknowledgement

"Yes, Mr. Stilinski?"

"Why is it called a gathering?"

This time, it was the Emissary currently standing in front of the cauldron who answered

"Oh! Well my pack isn't primarily comprised of wolves, in fact my Alpha is one of the only wolves in the bunch! Most of us are kind of.. you know, scattered, species wise, so we adopted the term 'gathering' as a more appropriate label, sort of like how faeries do,"

Ah, ok, he was starting to get this

Wolves = pack  
Vampires = nest  
Witches = coven  
Merfolk = pod  
Faeries = gathering

....

Ok cool, Supernatural Nature For Dummies, he was acing this!

Now he just needed to know what a grouping of dragons was called....

"So today I'm going to be demonstrating a simply healing balm, do you want to help me Stiles? You said at the beginning that you were itching to get your hands in this stuff,"

The girl from Sunnydale was _nice_

One of the only ones who treated him like a person and not a walking insult

Her, and two blondes in the front row, one with glasses, the other looking more like a model than he frankly thought was fair

He hadn't gotten their names though

Most of the others were pretty much assholes but those two were little _angels_

"Sure, I'd love to!"

If for no other reason than to thoroughly piss off the haters

Hopping out of his seat, he headed immediately for the cauldron at the front of the room and stood behind it next to Willow, waiting for her go-ahead

"Ok, so first what we need is some Eye Of Newt,"

Ahhh the infamous "Eye Of Newt", Stiles had purposely avoided learning this particular potion yet simply because he wanted to avoid working with fucking _eyeballs_ but here goes nothing, he supposed

The problem, however, was that as he looked around at the table of ingredients, there were no eyeballs to be found

"Need some help?" Willow- the nice Emissary who had invited him up here in the first place- offered politely

"Yeah, I guess so... I can't find the newt eyes..."

For a moment, a frighteningly dead silence fell over the room

"... You're joking, right?"

"Um... no? You asked for Eye Of Newt...."

Now Willow looked like she was about to start laughing, but was carefully schooling herself against it

"Well yes but.... that's not _newt eyes_ , it's _mustard seed_ ,"

".... Wut."

"Aaaand Toe Of Frog is buttercups, Wool Of Bat is holly leaves, Tongue Of Dog is houndstongue-"

"Why is this not common knowledge!? And more importantly, why don't you just call it by it's real name instead of this confusing shit that made me think I was gonna have to use animal parts!?"

"Because it's tradition to call it by it's ancestral name," came the very _helpfull_ reply of the panel hostess

Great

"Well hell, now that I know that, I can do this shit way better than before!"

Immediately, he picked up a few bottles of ingredients

Screw the healing balm, he had several potions he had been wanting to try out for ages now that he hadn't attempted just because of the disgusting list of ingredients involved

"Um, Stiles, I don't know if this is such a good idea..."

"Relax, it's medicine right? What's the worst that could happen?"

 

~+~

 

"-so I started baking the medicine right into the macrons,"

"That's a pretty good idea Marinette,"

"Thanks! None of my pack will be getting poisoned to death on my watch!"

Derek had to admit, as much as he hadn't wanted to come to this meeting- and as much as he had felt entirely _obligated_ due to his ever-growing pack- he was glad that he was here

Sure alot of the other attendees were pretty stuffy and hard to get along with, but they weren't all like that

Case and point: The two lovely Alphas he was currently talking to pool-side

Marinette owned her own bakery and Lena was an accomplished CEO, neither of them seemed to judge Derek or hold anything against him and they were both a joy to talk to

This weekend might not go as badly as he had first feared

Atleast, until...

"So if I color-code the macrons based on what potion is in it, I can-"

***BOOM!!!!!***

...

"What.. was that...?" Marinette asked slowly

Derek only sighed, because he knew _exactly_ what that was

"I'd be pretty willing to bet... my boyfreind,"

The girls both winced on his behalf, evidently sympathetic, but just as Lena was leaning over to offer him some words of comfort- or advice, or a very well hidden insult- a second boom, similar to the first, went off, and she cringed in realization, not unlike his own

"Aaaand that would be my girlfreind,"

For a moment, there was silence, and then, Marinette began to chant

"Oh... please don't be a third explosion, please don't be a third-"

***BOOM!!!***

....

".. Aaaaand no doubt _that_ would be my boyfreind," she sighed miserably

"Well," Lena said with a long, loud sigh

"Atleast we can all afford the security deposits...."


End file.
